From the mouths of babes

Recently overheard sayings from my sweet nephew:

"Auntie Beka's baby is growing in her heart."

"Can we have African food for lunch?"

Love that kid!

Public radio...again

It's no secret that I love public radio. On Oregon Public Broadcasting stations, there is a show called Think Out Loud. They focus on local topics, and there is always a pretty active online and on air conversation about whatever the day's topic is.

Today's topic was The State of Black Oregon. It had to do with the recent Urban League of Portland report on the current state of blacks in Oregon. For those of us who will be raising black children in this state, today's discussion is a great resource for us!

If you missed it, it usually replays in the evening (at 9 on my local AM station). You can check out the online discussion and download the audio here.

Check it out!

-b

Good words

I saw this over at Harlow's Monkey and thought it was really great -- not just for us as parents of a transracially adopted child, but for everyone who will be involved in his life.

Behaviors & Attitudes of Allies to Transracially Adopted Persons: Ways to be an ally

• Interrupt offensive jokes. Even if they aren’t about your child’s racial or ethnic group, if you stay quiet you are “showing” your child it’s okay to make fun of people of color.
• Educate yourself and support the social justice issues and causes of the racial and ethnic community your child belongs to, both in the US and from the country of origin .
• Read books/articles/view films by adult transracial adoptees.
• Interact and find support from other adoptive parent allies and likewise support other allies.
• Don't judge others experiences, especially if they seem negative. Seek to understand their experiences. Don’t dismiss experiences of racism.
• Acknowledge the powers and privileges bestowed upon you based on your social group membership. Understand your privileges as a white person and as a parent, and help others understand their own privileges.
• Utilize your power to bring about social change that benefits all people, especially those underprivileged from your child’s community.
• Seek to understand all the different forms of oppression – gender, racial, class, GLBTQ, etc.
• Notice the numerous intersections between different forms of oppression.
• Let your actions speak louder than your words. Participate in your child’s racial/ethnic community because you value the diversity, not just for your child.
• Don’t make your child be the “bridge” for you.
• Don't expect external rewards for your work as an ally - feel good and be proud about the work you do.
• Don’t expect your child’s racial or ethnic community to welcome you just because you want to participate, and especially if you want them to be invested in your child. You need to be invested in their lives as well.
• Walk your talk.
• Know there are different ways of doing and seeing everything.
• Be comfortable with criticism and feedback. Accept that others may stereotype you. Don't buy into stereotypes. Try to acknowledge your own prejudices and baggage. Take ownership in your own conscious and/or unconscious participation in oppression. Use examples that don't exclude a particular group's experience.
• Don't get stuck feeling guilty for the oppression of the past. Know that the past is not your fault, but the present and future are your responsibility.
• Demonstrate your ally role through your actions rather than trying to convince others of it through your words.
• Don't expect someone else to represent an entire social group, especially just because you are parenting one from their community.
• Remember to speak only from your own experience, and do not assume your child speaks for his or her entire racial/ethnic group.
• Don't assume to know what support others want and what's best for them.
• Recognize that no one form of oppression is more significant than another - there is no hierarchy of oppressions.
• Accept that none of us are experts in diversity.
  

Inching closer

When we were preparing to move to the Czech Republic, I remember being told many times to keep my expectations low. This was not meant in a pessimistic manner, but more of a realistic one. There are some things that you can never fully prepare yourself for, and if expectations are kept low, you not only avoid disappointment, but are often pleasantly surprised.

I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that the phone could ring any day now with news of our son. I’m trying to keep my expectations low so as to not be disappointed if the call takes longer to come than we wish for. The day we get the call will be one filled with great joy and happiness, but also sorrow as we grieve the losses our son will have endured to bring him to us. I really cannot imagine what it will be like, and I am trying not to. I just want to let it come and soak it all in.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the process, there will be more waiting after our referral. Once we accept our referral, our paperwork will be submitted to the courts in Ethiopia. We are then assigned a court date. Due to the annual closure of the courts in August and September (but for a shorter time this year!), we expect that we will probably receive a court date for sometime in October or November. We do not have to be in Ethiopia for our court date. Once we pass through court, we will be given an embassy appointment and travel dates, which will likely be 3-5 weeks after we pass through court.

So, we know that even once we have a little face to go with the space in our hearts, we will not be able to physically join our family for a time. We’ve prepared our minds for that next period of waiting…let’s hope our hearts can handle it!

Fathers and Robots

Some of you know that Jake spends his days working with kids on the autism spectrum. He has great patience and love for these kids. So much, in fact, that he also spends his evenings and summers working with these kiddos at a private clinic as a social coach. It is so fun to see him enjoying his work --he is a natural.

We really try to give each other purposeful gifts, and gifts that we know are made in fair working conditions. For Father's Day this year, I found the perfect gift for Jake. It represents several of his passions: autism research and awareness, Baby D, and robots. (Okay, he's not really passionate about robots, but they are fun to look at, right?)

And here it is - Karthy the Kauzbot! Isn't he cute?

Karthy hanging out in Baby D's room...waiting for Baby D!

I heard about Kauzbots: Robots with a Heart a few months back and I love them! Each robot is made by a human, and each one supports a different cause. Karthy happens to support a foundation doing autism research and education, which is why I choose it for Jake. He loves it, and it is currently keeping watch over Baby D's (very sparse and unfinished!) room.

Each kauzbot is a different color, and they support so many great causes like refugees, clean drinking water, and the environment. In all, there are 10 different kauzbots and causes to support.

Check them out!

-b

Patience

I am not a patient person. I’m the kid who shakes the Christmas presents to see what they are. Or better yet, figures out a way to open them and wrap them back up without anyone else knowing (do you know how happy I was when wrapping paper went out and gifts bags were in?!?!). I’ve grown up a bit, but patience is still what some would call a ‘growth area’ in my life.

There is however, one area where I feel total and complete patience and peace -- our adoption. I’ve always known I would be a mother to children that were not born of my flesh. It has been something that has always been a part of me. Jake has always known this part of me, and when we joined our stories, it became a part of him too.

There is a part of our adoption journey that I have not told to many people. It is a very important part. There are some aspects of it that are truly too intimate and personal to share with anyone outside of our little family. Those I will save for us. But, I want to share a small piece of it.

In December of 2007, I had a dream. I’m not one to analyze my dreams. Partly because a) I have a hard enough time getting out of bed in the morning that trying to remember my dreams might just send me over the edge and b) I just don’t.

However, the dream I had that night is one I won’t forget. In the dream, Jake and I were in a room. We were in another country. Someone walked in and put a baby in my arms. This baby, whose skin was much darker than mine, was my son. I was meeting my son for the first time. Our son. In my arms.

Our first purchase for our son, bought the day after my dream.
www.laurenhurtphotography.com

I think about this dream every day. The picture is still in my mind. Perhaps it was simply my heart putting pictures in my head. Regardless, this picture brings me peace. Patience that all will happen in the time that it should.

I don’t wish for the journey to happen faster. For reasons inexplicable to me, I am content in the wait for our son. It may be just a couple more months, or it may be many more. Either way, it will happen when it happens.

And one day I will tell my son that he really is the child of my dreams.

Nesting.

When we lived overseas, we did so with only the items that we could fit into our suitcases (none of which actually arrived when we did….and didn’t show up for almost a week). We had no refrigerator in our flat for 2 months. Our utensils consisted of 2 forks, 3 spoons, and 6 butter knives. We used old mayo jars for drinking glasses. We had a kettle and one pan. To turn on the oven (not the stove), we had to turn on the gas, light a match, and hope for the best. The temperatures we baked at were ‘big flame’ and ‘little flame’. We wore the same clothes multiple times before washing because a) everyone else did and b) washing them was a several hour task that sometime resulted in the kitchen counter coming away from the wall and the pipes spilling water everywhere.

Needless to say, our life was much different overseas. Simpler. Much simpler.

In all likelihood, we should hear news of our son this summer. The reality is setting in that there will soon be a little one under our roof. And I am not ready. I realize that I will never truly be ready, but really, I am not ready.

So, we’ve been nesting. (Side note: perhaps because of my general dislike of birds – thank you, Mr. Hitchcock— I don’t care much for the term ‘nesting’. Since my thesaurus provided me with no other alternative, I am forced to use it.) Jake, perhaps sensing that I was about to break into a full-on panic attack, has been graciously helping me during this phase of pre-motherhood.

Since moving back to the States, we’ve kept our stuff to a minimum, and we regularly go through our house and get rid of items. But, this weekend, we started REALLY going through our house. Every cupboard, drawer, closest, and shelf has been inspected, cleared, dusted, and purged. Every item of clothing has been carefully looked at, and either placed back in the closet or in the donate pile. Every book has been examined by both of us, and deciding which ones to keep has been more difficult than I thought. I sorted through all my fabric scraps while cleaning up my sewing stuff. We sorted the magnets on our fridge. We are that serious about this task. Cupboards are now empty, drawers are tidy, and we are $150 richer (selling CDs and DVDs online!). p.s. Anyone need some extra Prague magnets?

We aren’t making space because we think that the baby will require many toys, gadgets, and gizmos, but more because the space is helping us realize that we are moving on to a new chapter of life. It is helping us take deep breaths. After 8 years of just the two of us, we are about to bring another into our ranks. There is now a little table in our dining room with 2 little chairs. The stereo which was on the bottom bookshelf has been moved higher to avoid tempting little fingers. Preparations have begun for the arrival of the little one who will change our life as we know it.

This nesting is just part of our move to simplify life. We’ve downsized to one and half cars (the half being the scooter, which uses $5 a month in gas!). The library is our place for dates. Internet at home? Cancelled. TV? Can’t find the power cord. Homemade pizza with wine sounds better than a restaurant on a Friday night.

We are becoming parents. Slowly, but surely.

To the child we wait for: we are eagerly anticipating your arrival.

-b

Is it gonna hurt, Doc?

Today we got some of our vaccinations for travel to Ethiopia.
We're one step closer to being ready to meet our little dude!

Jd