Our journey to each other

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We are home from our life changing trip to beautiful Ethiopia. Baby D is a dream, Ethiopia is beyond words, and we love this new chapter in our lives.

Parting thoughts and nursery pictures

In just a few hours we will be leaving our house. We will be staying near the airport tonight and leaving bright and early Thursday morning. We will spend several days traveling in the region where our Baby D was born before heading to Addis Ababa on Monday morning.

On Monday morning, our new forever will start. We will receive our sweet boy into our arms, and we will never let go. Those cheeks, that hair, those toes, those eyes – suddenly everything will be in three dimensions.

We are excited. We are nervous. I feel like I am getting ready to meet a celebrity. Someone famous I have read about, seen pictures of, and waited impatiently for updates on will finally be in the same room as me! And in my arms! Will I be star struck? Overcome with emotion? Cry? Laugh?

One thing I know: next Monday, I will finally be able to take a deep breath. To breathe in my son, fill my lungs with his presence, and exhale knowing that forever starts at that very moment.

Chapters

Books have always been a big part of my life. A good book will keep me up all night, continuously making me promise myself “just one more chapter.” Of course, there is always one more chapter. With each chapter, you are one step closer to the next part of the story. You are also one step further from the beginning of the story.

We are one week away from embarking on the next chapter of our family’s story. This means we are also one week away from the end of our current chapter.

This chapter began 11+ years ago when Jake and I began a life together. It was formalized a little over 8 years ago when we promised to be together for the rest of our time on Earth. But after many years, many countries, many jobs, and too many moves to count, this chapter is nearing its end.

We are gearing up and I am excited.

We are winding down and I am sad.

We’ve been the dynamic duo for a long time. Me and him, him and me. Us. We are good together. This part of our story has been eventful and exciting. Truly, it has been a beautiful time. We have had many more ups than downs, many more laughs than cries. I like this chapter.

I can’t wait to welcome Baby D into our ‘us.’ But, truthfully, I am mourning the end of this chapter. This is yet another bittersweet time in our adoption journey. We will never be able to go back to this chapter. It has been written.

It has gone too fast. And while I am looking forward to the next chapter, I am hoping that the last week of this chapter goes slowly, and that I am able to savor every minute of it.

Today I am thankful for happy endings and new beginnings. May we get to have them both.

Waitlist buddy

The word is out: their wait is over.

Go celebrate with Heidi!

Joy

I’ve met many wonderful people along this adoption journey. There are people we’ve met over the last year and half that I know will be in our lives for years to come. The ups and downs, the joys and the sorrows, the beautiful faces of the children we are blessed with – all these things connect us.

There is one very special lady that has been by my side since we began: the beautiful Miss Joy. We began our adoption processes at the same time. Our home studies were done by the same agency just a few days apart. We compiled our dossiers together. We had our USCIS fingerprinting appointment together. We have spent time in each other’s homes, eaten meals together, stayed up late into the night talking, celebrated birthdays, and shared our lives.

Joy, me, and Lori (who deserves a whole post on her own!) on our first date, August 2008.

Due to some insurance paperwork delays, Joy and Jesse went on the waitlist more than a month after us. When we got our referral, Joy was one of the first people I called. Weeks later, I had a dream on a Sunday night that Joy and Jesse got their referral on a Monday. I sent her a text Monday morning telling her about my dream…and she immediately replied, saying that they were on their way home at that very minute because they had just gotten their referral call.

That was one of the many moments when I knew that I would be connected to Joy and her sweet Ethiopian babe for the rest of my life. We are connected through our beautiful children and their beautiful country. I still remember the tears that came when I saw Joy’s sweet Baby L the first time. The joy and pain that comes with a referral was nearly as real as when we first saw our Baby D.

Friends forever, November 2009.

Our second court date was the same day as Joy and Jesse’s first court date. When we were delayed for a few days, they were too. When we finally got word that we passed court, they did too.

In less than three weeks, Jake and I, along with Jesse and Joy , will travel to meet our babes. We will witness each other welcome a new child into our arms. I will watch her share her love with her third daughter, and she will watch me become a mother.

Since we began this journey, I have hoped that we would travel together. We’ve dreamt of our children together, and now we get to meet them together.

I can’t wait!

Baby's first Christmas

Happy first Christmas, baby boy.

We can't wait to hold you in our arms in just a few short weeks!

We are family!

We are so blessed. We are officially a family.

I'd like you to meet the most beautiful boy, our Baby D.

Our referral (10 weeks old)

His name, which means unforgettable.

Sweet boy, we are over the moon in love with you.

Fingers crossed!

We are so close!

Long story short: we didn't pass...yet. The judge left our case open. You see, there is this tiny piece of paper that is making its way to Addis. The judge needs this original. Once the judge gets this original (barring any other requests she may have), we should pass. We are hopeful this will happen early next week!

Almost there....

-j&b

About tomorrow.

Tomorrow is December 11th. It is our second court date. It is also exactly one year since we went on the wait list for our agency.

There was another family that went on the wait list the same day as us. Their request was for a group of young siblings. We were matched with our sweet son nearly 4 months ago. The other family?

They are still waiting to be matched.

So, while we may be one step closer tomorrow to bringing home Baby D, Mark and Heidi continue to wait just to see their children’s faces for the first time.

Here’s the thing about Heidi. She.is.awesome. Like mega-cool. She is encouraging, she is kind, she is thoughtful. You won’t hear her complain or grumble about the wait. Her and Mark have been waiting longer than any other family in the Ethiopia program. In fact, I think they now hold the record for the longest wait with our agency for Ethiopia. Folks, that is not a record most people would like to hold.

But Heidi remains steadfast. She continues to be involved in all of our lives. She celebrates referrals and court passings. She comes alongside us when things do not go as we had hoped.

I feel privileged to have traveled this road with Heidi.

Last year, we both celebrated being added to the wait list on December 11th. Wouldn’t it be great if we both had something to celebrate this December 11th?

From Jake: Leafrica

Sometimes I find things that are shaped like Africa. Like this leaf:

It helps me to think about our little man... and where he's coming from.

Here are some other flashbacks to Africa-themed "happenings" that

have helped me to stay connected with dreams of our family:

A snow drift in our backyard...

Cereal - and the home continent...

Sometimes you get to see the world in a different way. I guess it's

to remind us of realities happening in other places.

- Jake

Showered

I have really fantastic friends. Like awesomely fantastic. They threw me an incredible baby shower a few weeks ago. It was the best! For many reasons:

Gifts:

The truth is, we really aren’t in need of much. Yet with every gift I opened, I felt so blessed and knew that each thing would be used and loved. I feel really blessed to live amongst a community of women who are sensitive to the desires of others. I love unique and previously loved items, and they honored this with many wonderful gifts of handmade, gently used, hand-me-down, and hand picked items. We didn’t do a typical registry (I think I am still traumatized from registering for our wedding 8+ years ago), but people didn’t seem to mind.

One happy mama.

Games:

Okay, I’m sorry if this hurts anyone’s feelings, but I gotta be true to me: I despise shower games. Rather than any games at my shower, my sister-in-law helped to organize a fun project! Each of the ladies beaded a little bracelet. They attached a sweet little note to these bracelets and stuffed it into a baggie with a granola bar and a fruit leather. We’ll take these with us to Ethiopia when we travel to hand out to kids we meet along the way! It was a fun and practical idea, and we now have 48 little baggies to hand out to the sweet faces we will soon see.

The beautiful Mrs. Rooney beading her heart out!

Food:

I’m not a big fan of cake, but let me tell you that the cake they got from our local co-op was, as Jake’s grammy says, TDF (to die for!). There was also Fair Trade coffee, and locally grown fruit. I didn’t get any pictures of the beautiful spread, probably because I was too busy eating. And all the paper products were biodegradable! And there were cloth napkins! Made my heart happy and my tummy full.

Blog friends first, now friends in real life! Joy, Autumn, and Lori!

We are so blessed by all our friends! Near and far, from blogland to college roommate to friends from high school to people who have known me since diapers...I was so grateful to have all my worlds together in one place to celebrate a tiny boy and welcome him into our lives.

A sweet doll made by Autumn for our Baby D...who is really baby A :).
Hoping to share his name with you after our court date next Friday!

Disguised blessing

Earlier this month, we decided we needed to get away. Get away from life, away from phones, away from the internet. This desire was solidified on November 10, the day we didn't pass court. We immediately decided it was time to plan something. No more waiting and putting everything in life on hold. We were feeling ragged and tired.

So, away we got. Last weekend, we pampered ourselves. We ate out. We stayed at a place much nicer than our usual haunts (which are either free or do not have indoor plumbing :). We slept, we read, we did nothing.

It was truly refreshing. Cuddling up in front of the fireplace with the sounds of the ocean waves crashing outside the window is surely what heaven is like.


These past few weeks have not been easy. But you know what? They have been incredible. I can't remember a time more richer than this. We have truly enjoyed just being together. We've stayed home more and we've spent more time together. Just the two of us.

So, this Thanksgiving I am thankful that our first court date did not go as we had hoped. If it had, we would not have had this extra time together. It has made us a better couple, and (we hope) it has made us better parents.

Shrinking holes

I was talking with a friend the other day about my feelings at this stage in the adoption process. There are good days, and there are not so good days. Lately, jealousy has reared its ugly head. I debated writing some of my irrational/negative emotions here, but decided against it. Writing them down seemed to validate them, and I want to be rid of them. So, I am pushing them aside. They are still there, but I am choosing not to entertain them.

Then there are the thoughts that I have that, while not positive, are necessary. They are necessary for our future, for our family. I read blogs by transracial adoptees. They scare the heck out of me, but I am trying to learn from them. I engage in conversations about race and adoption that are sometimes very uncomfortable. I don’t love it, but it is part of our new reality. I read books and try to learn all the ways I can avoid screwing my child up. There is no guarantee, but I figure that I’ve got to give it a shot.

It’s been nearly 3 months since we first saw Baby D’s face. If all goes well at our next court date, we’ll travel 5 months after our referral. Five months. Add that to the 2 months of his life before we got our referral, and that is 7 months of life lived before we meet.

I’m not looking for pity, because we don’t need it. We don’t feel sorry for ourselves. We knew the process from the beginning. There are many people who have waited longer. There are children that have been in orphanages for longer than Baby D. There are children that will never know the love of a parent, adoptive or biological. I hate to compare our journey to others, but what I am trying to say here is that we are fine.

Lately, my thoughts have been consumed with our ability (or lack thereof) to tell Baby D about his first 7 months of life.

“… I met your little guy and he's GORGEOUS and happy. He's definitely a favorite and gets lots of attention.”

So many of our memories of our own lives come from the pictures of us that others have taken and the stories others tell us about ourselves. We know things about our own lives because someone else knew them first.

“He is so sweet and easygoing! He is clearly very loved and doted on. You can also tell he really loves to interact with people.”

His first time rolling over, his first tooth, his first smile. What made him laugh, what he didn’t like, what his sleep patterns were like. His favorite toy, his favorite blanket. These are things that I would love to know, but not for myself. I want to know these things so that he can know these things.

“I know he is a boy, but I can say that I have seen him and he is beautiful!”

We really are very lucky. We get many updates from our agency, and we have been very blessed by traveling families. We have lots of pictures, monthly weight/measurement updates, personality snippets, and even videos.

I save it all. Every picture, no matter how blurry. Every update, no matter how short. It’s not for me. It’s for him. The baby boy that will one day be a man. A boy that will grow into his history. A boy that will have to come to terms with what he has lost. I’m doing my best to minimize the lost memories. I’m rounding up every bit of information he might want. I’m trying to anticipate what he would want to know.

I know I can’t fill in all the holes. I know he will live with missing pieces. But I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t grab every little piece I could. The holes will always be there, but I’m doing my best to shrink them.

Monthdays

When we were living in the Czech Republic, I went through a pretty major homesickness/culture shock/Ijustwannagohomerightnow phase. I hate to complain, because, hello?!!? – we lived in Europe! We had great jobs, a great flat and great friends. And we lived in Europe!

What really helped me get through that phase (which was much longer than I like to admit) was breaking up the time into shorter chunks. So, there was the ‘family is coming to visit for Christmas!’ chunk of wait. Then the ‘sister and brother-in-law are coming for mid semester break and we are going to Slovenia!’ chunk of wait. Following that was the ‘more family is coming for their spring break!’ chunk of wait. Next was the ‘weekend away in Venice!’ chunk of wait. Then the biggest chunk of all, the ‘we are moving home’ wait. There were no more chunks of wait after that.

What the heck does this have to do with adoption? I’m getting there, I promise.

We got our referral during the court closure, so we knew we would be waiting for a while before we passed court. When we first saw his face, he was 10 weeks old. Two and a half months of his life had already passed. We’ve now known of him for more than half of his life. He’ll soon reach 5 months of life.

We’ve been celebrating these months. Each month, on the day of his birth, we have been celebrating Baby D’s ‘Monthday.’ These are not elaborate celebrations, but a simple time for the two of us to be together and reflect on the blessing of this sweet boy’s life. We get pizza from our favorite place. We laugh. We talk about life. We look forward to the next month of life. We push aside any negative feelings and chose to be hopeful.

Just like when we were living in Czech, breaking up our wait for Baby D has helped me to make it through the wait. Celebrating these Monthdays seems to make the wait more manageable. All I have to do is make it to the next Monthday.

We’ll soon be celebrating our third Monthday since our referral. Our fourth Monthday falls after our next court date. He won’t be in our arms for that one either. But, fingers crossed, he’ll hopefully have a new last name.